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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29857890">Finding Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy/pseuds/TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy'>TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Vaenath [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>World of Warcraft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Old Wounds, Sad, So much angst, Switch!OC, Switch!Renathal, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Whump, it’s self-indulgence time people!!, original character is a void elf warlock, reference to demon sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:22:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29857890</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy/pseuds/TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Vaenath is the champion of the Shadowlands, but for him the achievement is hollow. He cannot have what he truly desires.</p><p>An exploration of oc lore with (potentially) non-chronological chapters added now and then.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Renathal (Warcraft)/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Vaenath [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Vaenath is my new oc baby... a very sad Void Elf Warlock, forced out of Silvermoon, then out of the Horde, never having felt at home in the Alliance.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vaenath is the hero, but his heart is empty.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is late, at least the sky tells him it is. It’s never entirely dark here, with the fine red mist of anima in the air, giving off a faint glow. It flows over Revendreth like a blessing, a rain after the drought. It’s over. It’s done. The Jailer has been jailed. The Arbiter has resumed her work. The Shadowlands are saved. And Vaenath is… tired. Even more tired than before. More empty and finished than he has ever felt. He doesn’t feel the desire to join the celebrations and has stolen himself away before they even started.</p><p>He’s sitting on top of one of Revendreth’s countless towers, one of so many empty buildings. He climbed it on a whim. It looks as cold and desolate as he is feeling, so it carries a certain appeal right now. Vaenath draws his cloak more tightly around his shoulders and stares out at the land below. He doesn’t see it clearly, doesn’t want to. He’s just afraid to close his eyes.</p><p>Dark energy ripples over his hands. He recognises it as a call from beyond. His favourite pet, a felhunter he has called to his aid since he was a boy, is knocking on his mind. Vaenath gives in to the pressure and the magic flows freely between his hands until it jumps from the small portal. The felhunter wraps around him. It’s cold and spiky and smells of death. Once again, Vaenath marvels at how perfectly it suits him. He lays his head on the creature, yet still he doesn’t close his eyes. He remains motionless until it’s almost dawn, staring ahead with dead eyes. The felhunter doesn’t move. It merely breathes softly, filling the air with the rotten stench of sulfur.</p><p>Then, suddenly, the felhunter tenses. It jumps up and in the motion grazes Vaenath’s cheek with a sharp spike. He feels hot blood welling up, dripping down. The felhunter snarls, but Vaenath orders him to stand down with just a mental command, when he sees who has stepped onto the small, crumbling balcony.</p><p>“Maw Walker…” Prince Renathal says. He seems exhausted… though somehow relieved, as evident in his faint smile.</p><p>Vaenath opens his mouth, but then he closes it again. He just stares.</p><p>“I’m so glad I found you. When you weren’t with the raid when we returned home… I had to find you.”</p><p>“Why?” Vaenath asks, but it comes out only as a broken whisper.</p><p>“You are the Maw Walker and—”</p><p>A cold takes hold of Vaenath’ heart and he turns away. He doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to return. This is not what he wanted.</p><p>Behind him he hears a few steps and the Felhunter snarls again. This time he doesn’t stop it. The blood runs down over his lips and he licks at it. Not only has the colour changed to a deep blue, the taste has also morphed from a bitter iron to a sickly sweet treat. Vaenath shudders and curls up into a ball.</p><p>“Maw Walker, please,” Renathal says. “Vaenath…”</p><p>At the mention of his own name, Vaenath perks up slightly. Renathal says it like a desperate prayer. He relents and motions for the felhunter to come over. With a hand on its head, he dismisses it. It growls slightly miffed, pushes into his hand as a reassurance. Vaenath turns around again and looks up at Renathal.</p><p>“No one calls me by my name,” he says.</p><p>“I apologise…”</p><p>“No, I… That’s not…,” Vaenath whispers. “It’s always just champion, emissary, maw walker… I’m never a person, always a function. I’m tired of being a function. I’m tired of it all. I’m not coming back.”</p><p>Renathal makes a noise, as if wants to say something, an aborted word… but then he’s also silent. He sits down at an appropriate distance and overlooks Revendreth just as Vaenath had done.</p><p>“That’s a pity,” he finally says.</p><p>“Why? So you can slap another title on me and call me champion?” Vaenath spits and it surprises himself how much venom there is in his words.</p><p>“Because I would miss you so very much.”</p><p>As quickly as the anger had come, it dissipates Vaenath’ body, leaving him deflated and hollow. He looks at Renathal’s sad smile.</p><p>“I can’t do it anymore. It’s not working,” Vaenath says. “I lost my home twice, was forced from my family, my faction. I’m not where I am because I want to be. I thought maybe I could find meaning in my life by lending it to a cause, but it’s all meaningless in the end.”</p><p>“Not to the people you saved.”</p><p>“Then they can go and save someone else. I am done.”</p><p>Renathal makes a complicated noise and Vaenath looks over to see red streaks on his cheeks. The prince is crying, losing his own anima, he realises with a start. Why?</p><p>“Where will you go?” Renathal asks.</p><p>“I thought maybe I’d sit here until I’m too weak to go anywhere because I have nowhere to go.”</p><p>At that Renathal visibly crumbles. He turns towards Vaenath and his whole being seems to reach out to the small void elf, who is small and gaunt, almost wasted away already.</p><p>“Let me be your home, Vaenath,” Renathal says and it sounds desperate. “I want to be the one you can go to when all is over and done.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I love you. I couldn’t help but love you.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Renathal lets out a desperate laugh. “Because you are strong. So strong it breaks my heart.”</p><p>“I’m not… I’m not strong!” Vaenath blurts out. “I am—”</p><p>“You are sad. The sadness rolls off you in waves. Every denizen of the Shadowlands can feel the sadness lingering around your soul like a storm cloud. And still you are strong. You are the most innocent and broken soul I have ever encountered in Revendreth. Only sinners come here.”</p><p>“Then where do the sad souls go?”</p><p>“If their sadness is tinged with rage they go to Maldraxxus to fight until they can confront it. If they want to forget the source of their sadness they go to Bastion. But if it sits too deeply to be confronted or forgotten, they are allowed to sleep in Ardenweald until such a time they have found calmness and willingness again.”</p><p>“And if they never find it?”</p><p>“They are allowed to let go of it all and never return.”</p><p>Vaenath sighed. “That does sound nice.”</p><p>“If that is your wish…” Renathal says.</p><p>Vaenath looks up into the face of the man who claims to love him.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have… I cannot give… I…”</p><p>“You don’t need to give anything. I just want to… Your sadness is deeper than even mine. I cannot bear to see you like this.”</p><p>“Then leave and don’t look at me again.”</p><p>“That is truly what you wish for?”</p><p>“Your feelings don’t change anything for me.”</p><p>“But what if you let them? Let me?”</p><p>Vaenath turns away and stares into the murky dawn. “I cannot let them. I cannot lose something as important as this again. Let me be and don’t give my heart hope it cannot have.”</p><p>Renathal sucks in a deep breath. Vaenath expects him to argue, but then he merely stands up and gives a slight bow.</p><p>“I will respect your wishes. You are and will always be welcome in Revendreth.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Vaenath whispers and is surprised to find there is a tear left in him, rolling down his cheek, stinging in the wound.</p><p>“No, I am sorry,” Renathal replies and merges into the night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vaenath asks for help.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vaenath glances at the group of Venthyr passing him in the courtyard. If you can say one positive thing about them, is that they don’t appear to judge. Not once in the month while Vaenath has aimlessly drifted through Sinfall have they stopped and asked him what’s wrong. Not once have they looked at him in pity or disgust. He receives greeting nods in parting, but he is left entirely alone otherwise. </p><p>He is sure Renathal has told them to leave him be. He’s oddly grateful to the prince. Walking around, Vaenath sees him almost daily, but Renathal never gives him more than a soft greeting and a smile. He doesn’t ask. He doesn’t push. It feels freeing in a way nothing has since he has first started working with the void on his own terms.</p><p>Vaenath’ body lives off the void alone at this point. Every night he wraps himself in the embrace of the darkness and lets the energy flow into him like the Venthyr live off anima. It’s not enough, but it sustains him, barely. He has no appetite. He doesn’t even want to think about the notion of eating. If he was gaunt before, he looks close to death now. More like a Venthyr than a mortal.</p><p>He looks forward to nothing, except one thing, which stirs something in his heart. When he finds himself looking forward to it, he chastises and locks himself in his room for days. But he can’t stay away forever. When he emerges again, walks into the main hall of Sinfall, he is there. Renathal. Vaenath’ heart clenches in a way it hasn’t for years as he receives the gentle nod, the small smile. The relief in the prince’s eyes upon seeing Vaenath again is palpable. Yet he doesn’t go to him. He turns away and leaves. Vaenath can see his rigid posture, the clenched hands. It’s hurting him still, he realises. Renathal loves him still. That’s why he’s leaving.</p><p>For the first time in a while, Vaenath hears a voice in his heart again. For the first time in a while, he doesn’t want him to go.</p><p>He doesn’t go after him. He walks up the stairs out of Sinfall and summons a large felhunter with a saddle. He rides as far as he can, until he finds himself in a dark forest and sits down on the soft ground beneath a tree. His favourite pet joins his mount and they both stand guard over their master while he sobs in fear and loathing of himself.</p><p>……………….</p><p>Vaenath returns to Sinfall after many long hours. He feels faint, the crying has taken all he has out of him, and he doesn’t even have that much left. His felhunter walks beside him, and he has to support himself with one hand on the creature. The Venthyr don’t attempt to help him, but they seem anxious. When he spies Renathal across the room, he holds eye contact, despite how shocked the prince seems to see him like this.</p><p>“Rena—” he starts, then coughs. His throat hurts from disuse. He hasn’t spoken a word since his meeting with Renathal over a month ago. Renathal is at his side in an instant, holding him as the coughs wreck his body, strong hands cradling him safely. Miraculously, the felhunter lets him do it, licks his hands. He doesn’t want to think about why.</p><p>“Help me…” Vaenath says and crumbles again, tears spilling out of his dehydrated body because he can’t take it anymore, but mostly because he hates himself for giving in.</p><p>Renathal swallows. He draws Vaenath into his arms and picks him up when he doesn’t protest. Vaenath’ eyes fall close. He didn’t know that Venthyr were this warm.</p><p>……………….</p><p>He wakes up in a bed, soft blanket up to his chin. There’s a red most suffusing the air around him, seeping directly into his body. The anima feels warm and welcoming. He turns his head slightly to see the source… and finds it evaporating from a cut in Renathal’s neck, the blood transforming into energy.</p><p>“Vaenath,” Renathal whispers. “I’m sorry, I wanted to respect your wishes, but you—”</p><p>“I was weak enough to ask for it,” Vaenath says and is slightly surprised to find his voice working.</p><p>“Asking for help is the opposite of weakness.”</p><p>“You told them to leave me be, didn’t you?”</p><p>Renathal sighs. “I did. I… As long as you chose to stay… I didn’t want anyone to give you a reason to leave.”</p><p>“I couldn’t. I didn’t want it to happen, but since our talk, I… I was aware of you. The sad looks you gave me when you thought I couldn’t see you. The soft smile I started to look forward to every day. Damn it, Renathal!”</p><p>The prince starts laughing. “I’m so sorry, but… oh, I’m so happy. This is the strongest emotion you’ve shown me since you arrived in Revendreth…”</p><p>“I’m angry.”</p><p>“Yes, you are. You wear your anger well.”</p><p>Vaenath rolls onto his side, away from the infuriating man, buries his face in both hands.</p><p>“It’s already too late. I’m here again, in a place where I can lose something. I can’t do this.”</p><p>“I’m an immortal prince in an immortal realm. I am the definition of eternal.”</p><p>Vaenath shivered. “I said to not give me hope.”</p><p>“I tried.”</p><p>“Badly.”</p><p>“I admit that’s true.”</p><p>“Do you still love me, even though all I am is an empty husk?”</p><p>“I am certain you are so much more, and I would be honoured to discover these parts of you together with yourself.”</p><p>Vaenath shakes his head. “I’m too cowardly to reach for you, so you will have to reach for me. Again and again. It won’t be easy or even nice.”</p><p>“Nothing easier and more willingly done than that.”</p><p>Vaenath sobs as Renathal’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder. He cries as his back is stroked, shivering under the patient and gentle touch. Every warm tingle makes him afraid because it feels so good, so right. In his mind he is already cold. Alone again, after this touch has become indispensable to him. Every good feeling and loving memory will only make the heartache, the pain, the futile longing so much deeper and sharper.</p><p>“I can’t…” he whispers, contradicting himself. “Don’t let me love you. I can’t do it anymore.”</p><p>“Trust me with your heart and I will keep it safe. I will hold it in regard as long as you will let me, and even if you choose to leave, I will not fault you for it and continue to love you as I have.”</p><p>Vaenath takes a deep breath. “Will you hold me?” he says, barely audible.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Renathal slips under the blanket next to him. He is wearing soft, warm clothes, which seem to mold themselves to Vaenath’ back. Renathal wraps an arm around him and holds him close.</p><p>“You’re so big.”</p><p>“Sorry. I can—”</p><p>“No, it’s good. Feels safe.”</p><p>Renathal kisses the top of Vaenath’ head. “Good. Sleep some more.”</p><p>Despite himself, Vaenath actually falls asleep.</p><p>…………….</p><p>He wakes to a sweet taste on his tongue and chases it. He licks across the skin and sighs, the taste and the warmth suffusing throughout his body. It feels so good. Nothing has felt so good in such a long time. His body is floating, his mind pleasantly buzzing. He licks again, then applies his lips and sucks.</p><p>Something twitches against him and he hears a faint groan. Vaenath frowns. He opens his eyes and… oh mercyful void… He seems to have turned in his sleep, face buried in Renathal’s neck, licking at the seeping wound, from which fresh anima is spilling onto his tongue. Suddenly he feels everything at once. Renathal’s body against him, the arm holding him impossibly close… the hard erection pressing into his legs. He sucks again at the wound, more anima entering his body… and Renathal curses. It’s muffled by his own hand, which he is biting to keep quiet.</p><p>Renathal is aroused. Desperately aroused. By him! Vaenath’ stomach flips. He digs his fingers into Renathal’s shirt.</p><p>“Sorry,” he whispers.</p><p>Renathal exhales, lets his hand go. Vaenath sees where his sharp teeth had drawn blood.</p><p>“No, I’m sorry… I should’ve… woken you…”</p><p>Vaenath’ leg brushes against Renathal’s erection and he feels him jump.</p><p>“I can leave.”</p><p>“No, please… don’t ever…” Renathal whispers.</p><p>Vaenath swallows. “If you want me, you can have me. I like to be fucked. I always… I… when it got too much, being all alone… I… I always summoned my demons to fuck me so I could feel something. Anything. At least for a while.”</p><p>Renathal goes a bit rigid against him and tilts up Vaenath’ face so he can catch his gaze.</p><p>“You don’t have to give yourself to me just because… just because I had a physical reaction. I would never demand or expect that of you.”</p><p>Vaenath shakes his head. “It’s not that. My body brings me nothing but pain. It would be… I would like to feel something different.”</p><p>“I don’t have to take you for that to happen, if you would let me.”</p><p>Vaenath shudders. Fucking is just that: Fucking. He has always been able to do that. Likes it, even. But this? This is too close to love. But Renathal does love him, doesn’t he?</p><p>“Alright,” he relents.</p><p>“Stop me at any time, if you need to. Promise me.”</p><p>“I will.”</p><p>To his surprise he feels Renathal moving under his hands. He’s shrinking in front of his eyes, until he’s the size of a regular Venthyr—still tall, but more fitting for Vaenath. He shivers at the implication, though he said wouldn’t… </p><p>Renathal turns Vaenath around again, holds him close, back to his chest. He softly nuzzles his shoulder, strokes his side. Vaenath can’t do anything but give up. Give himself up to these loving hands. He hopes Renathal will forgive him for just… taking today.</p><p>“What do you like?” Renathal whispers.</p><p>“I’ve forgotten… Too many demons for too long.”</p><p>“Which demons?” Renathal asks.</p><p>“The felhunter, mostly. It can’t talk. And I like that it hurts.”</p><p>“Would you like me to hurt you?” Renathal asks, whispering in his ear from behind and Vaenath groans.</p><p>“Maybe I wouldn’t like it… I certainly didn’t when I was younger, but I got so used to it. I… please… just a bit to offset the… oh fuck…”</p><p>Renathal’s fingers have found his nipple and he pinches it, bites down on his neck at the same time. It doesn’t remotely hurt as much as the felhunter’s spikes, but it’s good. A dull ache which spreads through him rather than pierce… both figuratively and literally. He sinks into Renathal, who welcomes him with a pleased hum. As he shifts, his cock brushes the blanket and he realises only now that he’s hard. Equally as hard as Renathal, whose erection is nestled between Vaenath’ cheeks. He doesn’t grind against him, just rests there as evidence of his enthusiastic participation… and honestly? Vaenath is fine with that. For now.</p><p>“You have to show me some time…”</p><p>“What?” Vaenath pants.</p><p>“You and the demons. I want to see.”</p><p>A shiver runs through him.</p><p>“You don’t think… don’t think it’s… abnormal?”</p><p>“My love, you don’t know what I’ve seen during those last few millennia… If you enjoy it and don’t hurt anyone with it, it’s not a sin. Why should it be?”</p><p>Vaenath thinks about himself, panting on the floor underneath the Felhunter, it drives into him relentlessly, spikes digging into his skin bloody and painful—and when he comes, it’s more from the pain than pleasure. It’s definitely abnormal. Depraved. And the realisation that Renathal wants to see him do it rushes through him as desperate arousal.</p><p>Renathal feels him shiver, releases his nipple, kisses the bruise on his neck. He strokes over Vaenath’ ribs, which are raised under his skin, slowly, to calm him. Vaenath is only wearing his pants and they must be obscenely tented. He is glad they’re under the blanket.</p><p>“May I touch you?”</p><p>Vaenath nods. He doesn’t trust himself to talk right now. Renathal slides one arm under him, fingers against Vaenath’ lips. He opens his mouth and Renathal slips his fingers in. It feels good to have something on his tongue. It… oh… the other has nicked the skin on his fingers and fresh anima is flowing drop by drop into Vaenath’ mouth. It’s so sweet. He sucks involuntarily, his body thirsty for this energy. He hears Renathal gasp and his other hand wanders lower to cup him. Vaenath immediately pushes himself into the hand, moaning around the fingers. The erection at his back twitches, digging into him painfully hard.</p><p>“Just let go,” Renathal breathes and draws Vaenath out. He grabs him and starts stroking slowly. “I want to give you endless pleasure, but I know you need something else right now. I can take my time with you later.”</p><p>Vaenath sobs, but it’s a good sob, for once. Renathal really loves him. He can feel it bleeding out of him. It feels unreal. Why would anyone love him this much? Why?</p><p>“Is it alright?”</p><p>Vaenath gives a startled laugh. It’s a sound so foreign in his mouth he surprises himself.</p><p>“Alright? Renathal…” he breathes unevenly between laughs. “It’s… it’s… ah…”</p><p>He shakes in his arms, shouts suddenly and he’s coming, spilling over Renathal’s hand. Renathal moans in empathy, and then it’s more than that as he twitches against Vaenath’ back and comes as well, hot splashes between their bodies. Feeling him like this, moaning and twitching against him is almost better than coming himself. Almost.</p><p>Of course he’s come during the sex with the demons, but this is… different. It rushes through all of his body, tingling up into his fingertips. Renathal pants and ruts against him, his hand around Vaenath’ erection, which is still hard. He pushes his fingers deeper into Vaenath’ mouth and he sucks at them, bites down hard to break the skin and lick up even more anima. Renathal moans and Vaenath twitches again, coming once more, weaker but still overwhelming.</p><p>“You’re so good, so good…” Renathal whispers into his ear, licking the skin. “Take what you need. I want to give you everything.”</p><p>Vaenath sucks harder, even as his cock softens in Renathal’s grasp. He drinks down the anima like it’s the sweetest wine, overflowing with Renathal’s love. Finally he lets his head fall and the fingers slip from his mouth. Renathal holds him close and he lets him. It feels good. Right.</p><p>“This was a mistake,” Vaenath whispers. “If you leave me, I will… I will… There would be no reason to go on. I can’t make you responsible for that.”</p><p>“I knew. I still want you.”</p><p>Vaenath turns around and searches Renathal’s face for a lie. A single deception. There is none he can see.</p><p>“I can’t believe it.”</p><p>“That’s alright. As long as you stay in my arms.”</p><p>“You’ve made me addicted. Your gentle touch and honeyed words… I couldn’t leave if I wanted to.”</p><p>“I’ve exploited your vulnerable state,” Renathal says gravely.</p><p>“You left me alone until I asked for you. There is no blame to be found in your actions.”</p><p>Vaenath buries his face into Renathal’s chest. Everything is sticky, but he doesn’t care.</p><p>“Wake me with a kiss,” he says and passes out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vaenath learns to accept Renathal’s love.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>more oc lore with smut let’s goooooo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been three days since Vaenath gave up on safeguarding his heart. He still wakes up in cold sweat, still regrets his decision. But it is hard to feel bad when’s allowed to spend his time in Renathal’s bed, in his arms. Renathal hasn’t left the room since he brought Vaenath here. He’s holding the slight void elf like he’s afraid he would just disappear. Vaenath doesn’t mind. On the contrary. Now that he’s decided to stay with Renathal, he loathes being separated from him for even a second. His emotions are being turned around completely, but they are still as desperate. He wonders if the prince already regrets his decision.</p><p>Lying on Renathal’s chest, he’s playing with the venthyr’s hair. It’s long and silky, shining white. He doesn’t touch his own anymore because he can’t stand the way it looks now.</p><p>“My hair was like yours…” he whispers, cautious words after hours of silence.</p><p>Renathal looks down at him and touches the short, unruly strands on Vaenath’ head. Somehow it’s not as bad when he does it. Renathal doesn’t know him any different. But… he wants to tell him, if only to hear him say Vaenath is so much less now, compared to before.</p><p>“It was long and blonde, almost white. My skin was fair and my eyes golden like the sun.”</p><p>“I would love to see you with long hair,” Renathal starts and Vaenath’ heart braces for something which never arrives. “Night black strands against your beautiful skin.”</p><p>Vaenath’ breath hitches. That’s right… Renathal came to love him like this, twisted and changed. Maybe he wouldn’t even love him if he was bright like before. Maybe this is the one place where you can be twisted and loved at the same time. Vaenath still can’t believe it.</p><p>“Beautiful? My skin is ashen,” he whispers.</p><p>Renathal hums and scratches lightly at Vaenath’ head, carding his fingers through his hair. Vaenath pretty much melts into him. He has forgotten what it feels like to sink so effortlessly into pleasure. </p><p>“It was, yes… but you’re growing stronger through absorbing my anima and your skin is looking more healthy now. A beautiful hue of blue is already shining through.”</p><p>Vaenath looks at his hands and realises that Renathal is right. The blue is still muted, but stronger now. He wouldn’t call it beautiful, though. Then, with a start, he realises Renathal’s skin is ash grey. </p><p>“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to imply…” he stammers and splays his fingers on Renathal’s chest. “You are… you look… gorgeous.”</p><p>“Thank you, my sweet. No harm done,” Renathal says with a smile. “Come up here?”</p><p>Vaenath sits up to straddle Renathal’s chest. He leans forward as Renathal exerts gentle pressure on his shoulders, his head coming to rest in the crook of his neck. He likes burying his nose here, likes feeling Renathal’s pulse under his lips, the warmth of his body. He gasps when Renathal’s fingers wander lower and glide over his cheeks, then settle on his hole.</p><p>“I want to touch you again, dear…” Renathal whispers and Vaenath nods. “Thank you for trusting me with yourself.”</p><p>Vaenath moans long and loud as Renathal pushes his finger past the rim, any thought forgotten. He’s open and slick after Renathal has played with him for days. When their sizes are this different, Renathal’s fingers are as large as a cock and Vaenath already feels like he’s being fucked as he slowly pushes one of them in and out. His own cock grows hard between them as he grinds himself against the hard chest muscles. He feels like a toy for a giant like this and somehow this makes it better and worse at the same time.</p><p>“Renathal…” he pants into the venthyr’s ear and digs his fingers into his hair.</p><p>Renathal shivers underneath him and kisses Vaenath’ shoulder. He seems to love hearing his name moaned. He pushes his finger in deeper, making Vaenath jump and cry out, tears in his eyes.</p><p>“Ren… Fuck me, please.”</p><p>“Anything you want, you just have to ask.”</p><p>Renathal turns them over, shrinking his body in the process. Vaenath stares up at him, kneeling between his spread legs. Renathal strokes himself, lining his cock up. As he pushes in, Vaenath has a vision of blonde hair and green eyes above him and his eyes fill with tears. He closes them and sobs deeply.</p><p>“Please… just… hard,” he breathes.</p><p>Luckily, Renathal understands. He rakes his fingernails down Vaenath’ chest, over the countless scars he’s gained in his loneliness. The skin is raised and bumpy, but Renathal doesn’t seem to care. He captures Vaenath’ hands and holds them down with one of his own, over his head. When he starts moving, Vaenath whimpers pitifully.</p><p>It’s hard and fast, bordering on painful, even with how open Vaenath is. He loves it. His whole body is singing.</p><p>“Yes… yes, Ren…” he pants. “Please…”</p><p>He stares up at Renathal’s face, which is scrunched up in pleasure, sharp fangs glinting in the low light of the room as he breathes hard. His eyes glow as golden as Vaenath’ once had. The fleeting image of his past is gone. There’s only Renathal, above him, inside him. He breathes in and Renathal’s anima floods his lungs, makes his blood boil.</p><p>He feels himself floating away until there’s only sensation. He’s crying, but it’s not from sadness, it’s from relief. He can’t help but cry when Renathal looks at him with such a brilliant, loving smile, all soft eyes. </p><p>Then Renathal touches his cock and it doesn’t take much more than that. He whispers more than shouts, spilling himself over these wonderful fingers. Renathal releases his hands and leans down, captures Vaenath’ lips in the sweetest of kisses. Vaenath sobs, buries his hands in Renathal’s silken hair.</p><p>“Come inside me, please… Make me yours,” he says against Renathal’s lips, sounds greedily swallowed.</p><p>When Renathal does come, the anima rushes through Vaenath’ body like fire. He loves this moment, this single moment in which they become one. As if he wasn’t all made of Renathal already, sustained solely by his anima. They fall into each other's arms and Vaenath holds him as close as he can. He breathes in Renathal’s unique scent, ash and embers. Not unlike his beloved demons, he has realised.</p><p>“What are you doing to me?” he whispers.</p><p>“Holding you close.”</p><p>“You’re messing with my head. My heart.”</p><p>“I’m just here, nothing else.”</p><p>“That’s already enough.”</p><p>“I’m glad.”</p><p>Vaenath sighs and gives in, for now. What can one day hurt? He’s tired of keeping up his walls. More tired than he ever dared to imagine. How can he stand against this flood of love, this gentle affection? It will destroy him in the end, but since he was already almost gone, it doesn’t matter if he has to wait for the final push of the dagger in his heart a little while longer.</p><p>“You will need to eat. You can’t go on like this indefinitely,” Renathal murmurs into his hair.</p><p>“I don’t feel hungry.”</p><p>“Because you haven’t eaten in over a month. You are still mortal. You need to eat. I will not have you waste away on my watch.”</p><p>Vaenath holds onto Renathal a bit closer. “Will you be sad when I’m gone?”</p><p>“You will never be gone. You have thousands of years of life ahead of you, and after your death I will personally drag your soul back to me.”</p><p>“I will hold you to that.”</p><p>“You should. Now, come on. We need to find food for you and I know just the person to help.”</p><p>Vaenath tenses and Renathal strokes his back.</p><p>“I can bring something here, only Theotar has been worried sick about you and it would do him good to see you. I don’t like to see my oldest friend worry like this.”</p><p>His thoughts travel back to that one very peculiar venthyr, always happy and upbeat, though he had lost everything he was. Vaenath sighs. Is that why he has avoided him? Because Theotar reminds him so much of himself, but as a better version?</p><p>“Worried? About me? We’ve barely spoken..”</p><p>“Dear, you’ve barely spoken to anyone. But you helped him and accepted him and his friends as they were, without question.”</p><p>“They were changed through no fault of their own,” Vaenath says and his voice is hard. “It would be wrong to judge them for that.”</p><p>Renathal kisses his forehead and Vaenath can feel the smile on his lips against his skin.</p><p>“Are you well enough to visit them?”</p><p>Vaenath shakes his head. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“I think I will clean you up first, then we’ll decide.”</p><p>Renathal releases his hold and Vaenath immediately feels cold. It’s ridiculous, but his heart can’t be told otherwise. Renathal stands up and holds out a hand towards the void elf, who sits up and stares at the bare venthyr in all his glory. He wants to say something, pay a compliment, admire him, but he can’t find the words, so he keeps quiet. </p><p>When he tries to stand, his legs don’t support him and he falls. Renathal has an arm around him, so he can prevent him from hitting the floor. He hums thoughtfully and while he grows back to his regular size, draws Vaenath up into his arms.</p><p>“Allow me,” he says and kisses Vaenath’ head.</p><p>“I’m pathetic.”</p><p>“Hush. You’re healing. Let me take care of you, dear. Nothing would bring me greater joy.”</p><p>Vaenath’ eyes fill with tears and he hides his face in Renathal’s chest. Yet he nods. It’s somehow become more important than his own emotions. Renathal’s joy. His happiness. He wants to see the venthyr smile. He wants it even more than his own smile.</p><p>He’s carried to a small bathroom, where Renathal sits him down on the edge of a tub, legs in the water. One of the privileges of being the prince. There must be larger rooms in Castle Nathria, Vaenath assumes… but Renathal had left the castle to the venthyr, whose homes have been destroyed during the battles in the Shadowlands. There are even refugees from the other realms here, nursing their wounds in the one place where anima rains from the sky. Renathal is gentle, soft-hearted, patient. Everything a leader shouldn’t be, yet he is revered by his people.</p><p>“Why me?” Vaenath asks into the silence. “You are… you could have anyone.”</p><p>“When I first laid eyes on you, my heart almost stopped. Not only because you came to free me from the Maw… but because you were like me. Broken, swallowed by sadness. Yet you kept trying, always trying. I pulled myself up because of you. I looked to you, always. We’re both doomed, but your efforts made me feel like we can change the inevitable future.”</p><p>“I stopped trying, Renathal. I gave up. There’s nothing noble in that.”</p><p>“I gave up too. So many times in the Maw, again when we confronted Denathrius, again when the venthyr refused to rally behind us. Every time I gave up, but I came back because I saw you,” Renathal whispers, his voice broken by tears. “I just want you to see me now. I want to be the same beacon of hope for you as you’ve been for me, knowing I’m only here because of you. Hoping that maybe you can be here because of me.”</p><p>Vaenath stares at him, his mind reeling. He can’t quite keep up with all the implications. He holds on to the stones beneath him, but they seem to sway just as he does. Then Renathal slips into the water in front of him and holds Vaenath’ shoulders, stares deep into his eyes.</p><p>“I look upon you and feel hope. I love you. I love you so very much, my dear Vaenath.”</p><p>Vaenath breaks down into tears. He throws himself into Renathal’s arms and sobs, cries, wails. Everything inside him is messed up, everything is jumbled. He cries and whimpers and Renathal just holds him, softly kissing his head, stroking his back. He holds him for what feels like hours, until Vaenath stops crying, exhausted and empty. But it’s not the emptiness he felt before, that vast expanse of nothingness. It’s a good feeling. Like something has left him, which he’d never wanted to be there in the first place.</p><p>“Thank you,” he whispers against Renathal’s chest.</p><p>“Always, my love.”</p><p>And then the emptiness is filled, just like that, with one single word. Love. He will have to learn it again, but Renathal is nothing but patient.</p><p>“Let me…” he says and pulls Vaenath fully into the warm water.</p><p>He does let him touch and push and pull so gently, until Vaenath feels clean for the first time in what seems like years. He sighs, floating on the water surface, eyes closed. He reaches out, once more, into the void. He welcomes it, this time. The connection is still strong. The water around him turns black. The void wraps around him, flows through him. His skin turns dark for a moment and when he opens his eyes, they are black and full of stars. Then, as soon as it had come, it slips away. He sees Renathal look at him.</p><p>“Let’s visit Theotar,” Vaenath says and Renathal smiles.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Vaenath meets an old acquaintance.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is no sunset in Revendreth, because the sun does not shine on the Shadowlands. The day does not so much change, but rather fade into night, colours turning muted, shadows growing deeper. Vaenath likes to sit outside and watch the light disappear ever so slowly. Darkness is closer to the void in his chest. He feels at home in the night. The bright meadows of Bastion had hurt his eyes, though its dwellers had been nothing but welcoming. He would trade their gleaming gold for a crimson glow anytime.</p><p>He pets the felhunter at his side. He is leaning against it, sitting in the place where Renathal had first approached him. Where he rejected him. Vaenath still finds it had been the right choice. This temporary peace is fragile. His mind is unwilling to fully accept it. Yet here he is, two months after he broke down and asked Renathal for help. The concerns are further fading into the background of his mind every day he spends with the prince, but they would probably never completely go away, which is fine. As long as there is some part of him braced against the inevitable loss, Vaenath can go on pretending.</p><p>Not that Renathal’s love for him is pretend—or for that matter the love Vaenath feels for the venthyr. No, it’s the illusion that nothing can go wrong. Maybe, if he talks himself into it for a few hundred years, he will believe it, but he might never. Not completely. But that’s just how it is.</p><p>The felhunter stirs under his hands as he senses something. A messenger zips by—a tiny stone statue brought to life. Vaenath has learned to manipulate the anima to animate these statues, though he prefers the company of his demons.</p><p>“It’s alright,” he whispers to the felhunter and scratches the top of its head. It releases a huff of breath, a small cloud of sulfur. Vaenath gives it a little kiss and reaches for his pocket watch. Time runs differently in the realms of the Shadowlands, and this piece was a gift from Theotar. It is attuned to Revendreth.</p><p>Vaenath sighs. This late already? He stretches his arms and pats the felhunter’s back. “You want to accompany me back to Sinfall or leave?”</p><p>The demon jumps up and pushes itself against Vaenath’ chest in a clear display of its choice. Vaenath smiles and makes his way back home with the felhunter at his side. He arrives in Renathal’s, no, their shared room, to find his prince sitting at a large desk. When he falls into his arms, the whole world seems to be momentarily alright.</p><p>“Oh dear, is it already this late?” Renathal asks. “We better get going.”</p><p>“Kiss me first.”</p><p>Renathal smiles and does just that, meeting Vaenath with gentle affection and a warmth which makes him feel more than content. It makes him feel whole.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>“Don’t pretend like you don’t need it too,” Vaenath mumbles.</p><p>“That’s true, my sweet. I will always need you. I love you so much.”</p><p>Even though he hears it several times a day, Renathal’s love declarations always make Vaenath’ heart beat faster.</p><p>“I… love you too,” he says, ears red. It is still hard to say it back, but he wants him to know. Wants Renathal to feel as loved as he does.</p><p>“I know,” the prince replies and all is well.</p><p>They walk together out of the room and to the mirror, which connects Sinfall with the graveyard, which is the entrance to Revendreth. As they step through it, Vaenath automatically puts a hand on Renathal’s coat. He hasn’t left Revendreth since that fateful day on which became the hero. Venturing out again is… daunting.</p><p>“Ride with me?” Renathal offers and Vaenath nods. </p><p>He walks very close to him as they approach the flight master. The wyrm is docile as they mount it and Vaenath sits between Renathal’s legs. He moves as close as he can and is relieved to feel the venthyr’s hands on him, holding him close.</p><p>“I won’t be long. You enjoy your time in Oribos, sweetheart,” Renathal says, caressing his cheek as they fly along the swirling energy of the path through the In-Between.</p><p>Vaenath sighs. Renathal has been called to a council between the four new leaders of the realms on neutral ground in Oribos, now that everything is slowly returning to a natural balance. He has invited Vaenath to come along to enjoy some time outside Revendreth. Vaenath feels a bit like a child being brought to a work meeting, but… well. Renathal seems so very happy to see him going out again, even if it is just a little outing.</p><p>In no time at all Vaenath is left alone in the centre of Oribos with only his felhunter at his side, staring at the adventurers rushing by on their quests to rebuild the Shadowlands. He can even see some of the heroes who have chosen to join the Venthyr covenant, in their black, gold and crimson armour. He has seen them around in Sinfall, but they all keep their distance from him. No wonder.</p><p>Now… where to go to wait… He chooses a direction at random and starts walking aimlessly. It is strange to see members of the Horde, who have rejected him… and members of the Alliance, who have been forced to accept him. He belongs to no one anymore, except to Revendreth. It is… even stranger to feel this so strongly, like Revendreth is in his heart together with Renathal. He walks on, no idea how much time has passed… avoiding the gazes of the few people who seem to recognise him. Maybe—</p><p>“Vaenath!” a voice calls out behind him.</p><p>Vaenath freezes. No. No… It can’t be. No. Not… It takes everything in him to turn around.</p><p>“Kel…” he stammers. His whole body grows cold, his knees feel like they will give out. If not for the felhunter at his side, he would’ve surely collapsed. As it is, he is holding onto its horns as it breathes agitatedly, no doubt picking up on the mood of its master.</p><p>There he is. Kelethan Sunweaver, in all his glory. Golden hair, gleaming emerald eyes. He’s grown taller, bulkier. His hair is short now, but he has grown a full beard. He is wearing heavy armour in white-gold and red, a sword and shield on his back. The very model of a Blood Elf paladin. Damn it all, he looks even more maddeningly attractive than during their time in Silvermoon.</p><p>Vaenath turns to run away, but his legs won’t carry him. When he falls to his knees, Kelethan is immediately at his side.</p><p>“Don’t touch me!” Vaenath hisses and the felhunter snaps at Kelethan’s hand. Vaenath has seldom been so glad for its presence.</p><p>“Sorry!” Kelethan says and raises his hands as if to tell him he is no threat. “It really is you… I’ve been searching all of Azeroth for you, Vaen.”</p><p>His old pet name, so casually spoken, hits Vaenath like a dagger in his heart. There is a reason he insists on having his full name used, even by Renathal. Renathal… where is he? Probably still occupied. Vaenath looks to the floor.</p><p>“You were?” he manages to say.</p><p>“I was under constant surveillance after your people were exiled to the Ghostlands. We were forbidden under threat of execution to make any contact…”</p><p>Vaenath looks up at Kelethan. He can’t find any words, even though he wants to say so much.</p><p>“When news came that you all vanished from your camp, most feared the worst… but I knew you were out there, somewhere. You had to be. I threw myself into my training, so I could venture out and find you again. I searched everywhere, until I heard that your people joined the Alliance…”</p><p>“Not by choice,” Vaenath says between gritted teeth.</p><p>Kelethan moves his hand towards him, but draws it back when the felhunter snarls.</p><p>“Imagine my surprise when your name was suddenly spoken everywhere! Vaenath, Saviour of the Shadowlands! I knew you had to be alive, and that proved it. I came to Oribos to look for you. I waited here for weeks… and suddenly there you are. There you are…” Kelethan says and his voice is heavy. “I missed you so much. I still lo—”</p><p>“Don’t!” Vaenath shouts, so loudly that the people walking by look over on the strange pair. Kelethan’s eyes widen in hurt confusion. “Please, just… don’t. Not now.”</p><p>Not when I’ve just managed to forget you.</p><p>“Vaenath?”</p><p>He would probably deny how much his body relaxes upon hearing this deep, gravelly voice, saying his name with gentle concern. Vaenath looks up to see Renathal approach quickly. The felhunter yips and rubs itself against his boots in a display that couldn’t have shown more clearly who is wanted and who isn’t.</p><p>“Renathal…” Vaenath says like a sigh of relief and takes the offered hand to stand up.</p><p>Kelethan stands up as well, looking at the tall newcomer with wary eyes.</p><p>“What’s going on here?” Renathal asks.</p><p>You can hear his worry in every word. No wonder. It’s the first time Vaenath dared to venture out of Revendreth again, after everything which had happened… and then this scene? Vaenath takes a deep breath and, steadied by Renathal’s hand on his shoulder, finds the courage to talk.</p><p>“Renathal, this is… Kelethan Sunweaver. I… I knew him in Silvermoon.”</p><p>That should explain everything, because Vaenath has poured all of his heart out to the gentle venthyr. He knows everything, except the names of the elves Vaenath left behind—or indeed the ones who had left him behind. Well, he knows one name now.</p><p>“A pleasure, I’m sure,” Kelethan says with a slight bow, brow furrowed.</p><p>“Likewise,” Renathal replies coolly and inclines his head.</p><p>“Kelethan, this is Prince Renathal, leader of Revendreth.”</p><p>Kelethan’s eyes narrow. “I didn’t want to believe the rumours, but I see they are true after all.”</p><p>“Rumours?” Renathal asks.</p><p>“I came here to find Vaenath again after I heard his name being spoken as the Saviour of the Shadowlands… yet when I asked around I heard that he hasn’t been seen since the campaign ended. There were rumours he had moved permanently to Revendreth… with a certain prince.”</p><p>“Well, let me put those rumours to rest. They are true,” Renathal says and his fingers tighten possessively on Vaenath’ shoulder.</p><p>Vaenath sees something in Kelethan’s expression break and no matter what happened, it still makes his heart ache to see him this sad.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Kel…” he says. “I suppose I was just surprised to see you here.”</p><p>Or at all. I thought you left me behind forever. Forgotten me completely. I thought you all did.</p><p>“I… yes…” Kelethan says quietly and looks up at Renathal as if he is trying to figure him out, then back at Vaenath and his voice is small and broken as he continues. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have ambushed you like that… it’s just… it’s been years, Vaen. I just missed you so much.”</p><p>Vaenath sighs. He’d been mourned as he had mourned. The mere fact settles something in his heart. He feels for Kelethan… which doesn’t help the storm in his head at all.</p><p>“Renathal,” he said and looks up, waves the venthyr to come closer. </p><p>Renathal does the opposite of leaning down and unceremoniously picks Vaenath up, holding him in his arms just like the time when he carried him everywhere during his recuperation. Vaenath is slightly embarrassed by his action, yet mostly relieved to be in his arms. This way he can talk into Renathal’s ear without anyone hearing.</p><p>“Can we… invite him to stay in Revendreth for a while? I have many things to ask him.”</p><p>Renathal listens to the barely audible whisper and seems to think for a while. “If that is your wish,” he concludes, voice still cautious, worried.</p><p>“Thank you,” Vaenath says and kisses his cheek.</p><p>Renathal seems placated by that. Vaenath is unreasonably happy about his burgeoning jealousy, his protective behaviour. It’s good to know his prince is there to protect him. That’s why he needs to talk to Kelethan on his ground, in Revendreth, where his home and his heart are. Renathal puts him down again and Vaenath turns once more to the waiting blood elf.</p><p>“I invite you to come to Revendreth and stay with us for a while, if you wish. I… I would like to talk to you, but I can’t do it here.”</p><p>Kelethan stares at him. His emotions are, as they’ve always been, open on his face. Vaenath has always loved that about him. Even though Kelethan still seems wary, he nods.</p><p>“Thank you for your offer. I can pack my things and travel in the morning.”</p><p>“Let the guards know when you arrive in Revendreth, so they can send a messenger and I will come and fetch you.”</p><p>Kelethan nods. Vaenath is about to turn away when he catches a smile on his face and looks at him again.</p><p>“No matter the circumstance, my heart is lighter now that I’ve seen you, Vaen. See you tomorrow.”</p><p>It is Kelethan who bows and turns away now, leaving Vaenath to stare at him from behind, watching the blood elf disappear in the crowd.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Vaenath and Renathal both reflect on the love they have lost and the hearts that have been broken.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vaenath is silent as they walk back to the flight master. Renathal’s meeting is already done and they decide to travel back to Revendreth together directly. When Vaenath sits down between Renathal’s legs on the wyrm, the venthyr puts both arms around him. He’s so warm… Vaenath can barely hide a sob.</p><p>“Dear…” Renathal says and holds him closer. “Are you alright?”</p><p>Vaenath shakes his head and digs his fingers into Renathal’s arms. Why in the world has he agreed to go to Oribos? Then again, this would’ve probably happened at some point. Elves live long lives, and pto never meet someone again when you have thousands of years is… very hard to do. That doesn’t change the confused pain in Vaenath’ chest, the memories of buried love trying to claw their way out of the ground.</p><p>“I love you,” Vaenath says as tears run down his face. “I love you, Renathal.”</p><p>“And I love you, my dear, dear Vaenath. Let me get you home.”</p><p>Vaenath can only nod. When they arrive, Renathal picks him up, so that Vaenath can hide his face in the fur on his coat. It smells like him, ash and smoke. No one comments as Renathal carries him to the mirror, then through Sinfall to their rooms. Vaenath has once asked him if he feels embarrassed to be seen like that, doting on a lost cause… but Renathal answered that there was nothing embarrassing about caring for the elf he loves. If venthyr are anything, they are patient.</p><p>Then, finally, they are alone and Renathal falls onto the bed with Vaenath in his arms, who can’t help but cry. Cry for the lost years, the futile hope, the broken hearts. Renathal just holds him, patiently stroking his back. Vaenath looks up at Renathal’s concerned expression, then draws him down by his coat to kiss him.</p><p>It feels so good to kiss him, all warmth and closeness and love. He sighs into it, wanting to crawl inside Renathal’s chest. He nips at his bottom lip when he draws back, his hand on Renathal’s neck, stroking the warm skin.</p><p>“Do you need to go anywhere else today?”</p><p>Renathal shakes his head. “Nowhere. I’m all yours.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Vaenath tugs at the rope which holds his cape, simultaneously toes off his boots. Renathal understands quickly and drops his coat, then the armour pieces on the floor. He always wears so many more garments than Vaenath, so the blood elf helps him to discard the rest. He kisses up Renathal’s neck just as the other concentrates to make his body shrink and they fall into each other’s arms, naked and somehow already desperate.</p><p>“Fuck me,” Vaenath breathes against Renathal’s neck. “Please.”</p><p>“You take me first…”</p><p>“What?” Vaenath stares at Renathal, who hasn’t expressed interest in being taken in all the time they were together, which is fine for him, but… “Are you sure?”</p><p>“I… Uh…” Renathal clears his throat. “I do enjoy it. When I was with Denathrius, he would usually take me. I’m not a stranger to it.”</p><p>Vaenath knows that Renathal has once shared a more intimate relationship with his Sire, but he doesn’t know the details. He should’ve guessed. He puts a hand on Renathal’s chest, letting it glide down the prominent ribs.</p><p>“Why now?”</p><p>“I belong to you. I want to give myself completely.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do—”</p><p>“I want to,” Renathal cuts him off. “I’ve wanted it for a while now.”</p><p>“Alright. But you can’t come, because you need to take me when I’m done.”</p><p>“I’ll try.”</p><p>Vaenath brushes their erections together and his jumps at the mere thought of being taken while already spent and soft. He’d sometimes let the demon do that, just continued fucking him for what felt like forever. He knows that those times are behind him, that they are something to be forgotten, but… he misses them. Part of them. Maybe because the pain made it so different from everything he had before.</p><p>He looks at Renathal, who just smiles at him, accepts him no matter what he has done. Kind, soppy, loving. How did he ever become so lucky?</p><p>“Lie back,” Vaenath tells him.</p><p>He sits down between Renathal’s legs and nuzzles his cock, brushes it against his cheek. He starts giving it little licks, wet tongue against hot flesh. Renathal gasps when he moves his tongue along the smooth head, groans and throws his head back when Vaenath takes him in his mouth.</p><p>Oh, but he loves doing this. The weight on his tongue, the silky smooth warmth, the sweet taste. Renathal is always defenseless like this, reduced to little huffs of breath, shivers in his legs. His cock jumps inside Vaenath’ mouth as he sucks. Vaenath puts a few fingers inside his mouth alongside the cock to get them wet and trails lower, over the hole.</p><p>“Please…” Renathal says breathlessly, but Vaenath doesn’t have mercy on him yet. </p><p>He circles the hole with wet fingers, feels the muscle twitch under them. It’s a heady feeling. He’s all concentrated on Renathal now, no other thoughts in his head. Is this why he suggested it now? His prince always knows exactly what he needs. With that thought in mind, he pushes two fingers past the tight ring of muscle and Renathal moans appreciatively. Vaenath is so used to Renathal having his way with him, that this is… new. Exciting. He releases Renathal’s cock, all wet and shiny, and licks his lips.</p><p>“I changed my mind. I want to finish inside you…”</p><p>“Yess…” Renathal hisses and stretches out, luxuriously like a cat.</p><p>Oh, it is a strange feeling, a power rush to have Renathal spread out like this. Vaenath moves his fingers slowly, relishing how the flesh around them flutters.</p><p>“How long has it been for you?”</p><p>“A few months…”</p><p>So just before Denathrius openly betrayed Revendreth, he still had Renathal in his bed. Vaenath can’t help but imagine the prince under his Sire and has to close his eyes in desperate arousal at the image of Renathal being taken by him, no matter how much Vaenath hates him. He moves to lie beside his love, one of his legs drawn up to continue preparing him, just as Renathal rubs himself against Vaenath, panting. His eyes are closed as he loses himself to the touch and he looks so beautiful with a faint blush on his face.</p><p>That’s right. Renathal has also been betrayed. Discarded. He calls himself a fallen prince, cast out and forgotten after an eternity of service. How is it he still has so much patience, so much love to give, when he’s been so cruelly rejected and betrayed?</p><p>Vaenath draws his fingers back to wrap both arms around Renathal. The other cuddles up to him, lips soon joined in a soft kiss.</p><p>“I’m so sorry. I have never considered what he has done to you personally. Revendreth itself has always been the centre of it all, though your own feelings are just as important… I never wanted to be so insensitive.”</p><p>“It’s alright, my sweet. It’s a burden I have to carry.”</p><p>“But not alone! Please, you know you can tell me anything!”</p><p>Renathal kisses him again. “I will one day, but not now. Now I want you to fuck me.”</p><p>“Yes. Let me just—”</p><p>Renathal spits on his hand and reaches lower to spread the wetness on and in himself.</p><p>“Come on. I like when it hurts a bit at first.”</p><p>Vaenath shudders, his cock jumping. He’s done it this way around before, but very, very seldom. The last time was with Kel—No! He won’t think about that now. He looks at Renathal, who trusts him with his body and soul. And most importantly his heart. For once he will not call the demons to him. It’s time to exorcise the ones that still haunt them. He moves between Renathal’s legs and lines himself up with slightly shaking fingers.</p><p>Renathal’s fingers dig into his arms as he presses in, ever so slowly. The prince has his head thrown back, his throat exposed, mouth open and breathing heavily. Small noises spring from his lips, tiny gasps and helpless whimpers. Vaenath is completely overcome.</p><p>“Renathal…” he whispers like a prayer, and it does feel like he is worshipping the venthyr. He wants to throw himself at his feet, gaze upon him like this forever, sear the vision of his pleasure into his mind.</p><p>He bottoms out and both of them are out of breath, completely still, enjoying and losing themselves in the sensation of being connected. Renathal is hot around him, tight, yet soft. He hopes he feels different from Denathrius. Hopes he can help Renathal to overwrite the painful memory.</p><p>“Please, move…”</p><p>Vaenath is shaken out of his thoughts and looks down to where they are connected, pulls out slightly and pushes back in to see himself disappear inside his partner. It’s indescribable. He does it again, again, again. Renathal gasps every time he thrusts back in, and he wants nothing more than to hear that sound over and over. </p><p>Renathal reaches for his own cock and starts stroking it in time with Vaenath’ thrusts. His aroused breaths are like the sweetest music. They’re not doing anything special, anything extraordinary. They’re just here, just close, finding enjoyment in each other’s bodies, each other’s love. Vaenath bends forward and leans down to capture Renathal’s lips in a deep kiss. Renathal whines into his mouth as he kisses back, sharp teeth grazing Vaenath’ tongue in the best way. His hand speeds up and Vaenath can feel it moving against his stomach.</p><p>He sits back up and grabs Renathal’s legs to push them apart, gratified to hear an appreciative noise forced out of him. Emboldened, he moves faster, marvels at how easily Renathal’s body accepts him.</p><p>“Vaen…”</p><p>Vaenath freezes. He can’t help it. Renathal immediately realises he’s said something wrong. He stares up at him, eyes wide, an apology already on his tongue when Vaenath moans loud and hard as a full body shiver of arousal runs over him. It comes so suddenly it shocks him.</p><p>“Renathal…” he breathes and drops down onto him, kisses him like he’a drowning. He’s pushing into the body beneath him relentlessly and Renathal is reduced to helpless noises, whimpering against Vaenath’ lips. He scratches down Vaenath’ back with his long nails, desperately urging him on. It takes no time at all for Renathal to come, shouting his release as Vaenath fucks him through it, buries himself in the willing body, that intoxicating heat again and again and again. Renathal urges him on by whispering his name over and over, holding him close.</p><p>“I… I can’t… I’m…” Vaenath stutters and gasps as Renathal’s legs wrap around him to pull him as close as he possibly can. He cries out and empties himself deep inside, pulsing against the hot flesh. He feels tears in his eyes from the relief, the realisation of what he’s just done—what he was allowed to do.</p><p>He falls onto Renathal, who wraps around him, kissing his face, lips, head, murmuring words of love and affection. Vaenath only comes back to himself slowly, gasping for air.</p><p>“Why did you…”</p><p>Renathal bites his lip. “I was jealous. I am still, if I’m honest.”</p><p>“Of Kel?”</p><p>“Yes. He called you by a name I was never allowed to. I didn’t want to do it like that, I just… I… it spilled out at the worst time. I apologise.”</p><p>Vaenath sighs and kisses Renathal gently, who melts into him like always. He always feels wanted around him.</p><p>“I didn’t want anyone to shorten it because it brought up old memories, but hearing you say it like that… I want you to. You can have it. You can have my name and call me whatever you want. It felt so good to hear you say it, I was surprised myself. It felt like I got a part of me back that I lost when I was banished from Silvermoon.”</p><p>“Oh, my dear…” Renathal breathes and draws Vaenath closer. He grows in size around him, so he can fully hold him in his arms, Vaenath buried into his chest. They both love to hold each other like this. It feels right. Safe. “Still, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.”</p><p>“That’s true, but I forgive you. I know I’m not the easiest person to be around, but you don’t have to walk on eggshells around me anymore. I feel better now, all thanks to you. If I’d met Kel a few months ago, I… I don’t know what I’d done.”</p><p>“You don’t have to think about that. Just stay in my arms.”</p><p>Vaen kisses his collarbone and places his head on Renathal’s shoulder.</p><p>“I will. No matter what Kel tells me. Revendreth is—you are my home.”</p><p>He feels more than hears Renathal cry quietly, holding Vaenath closer than is comfortable. It’s not only him, who would fall into the dark abyss if Renathal left him, his prince would also suffer. Suffer again, after just having been broken. Still he allowed Kelethan to come to Revendreth.</p><p>“How can you trust me this much?” Vaenath whispers. How can anyone trust another this much?</p><p>“I can only love by opening my heart, which makes it an easy target. Of course I have my doubts, as you probably have. It’s natural to want to guard your heart. But I can’t love like this. I have to trust you. I have to trust that the elf I chose to love would not hurt me.”</p><p>“You loved Denathrius.”</p><p>“And he stabbed my open heart with a dagger. Yet I refuse to let my love be tainted by his betrayal. It wasn’t my fault for loving him, it was his for rejecting me.”</p><p>Vaenath shakes his head. “How can you make yourself so vulnerable? Again?”</p><p>“Because if I don’t, I cannot love. I want to love you, Vae.”</p><p>Vaenath’ chest feels tight upon hearing his name like this. It feels good.</p><p>“I want to love you too, Renathal. Like this. Completely and unreservedly. I just might need a little bit longer.”</p><p>“We have eternity,” Renathal says with a smile and draws him up for a kiss.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Vaenath shares a secret part of his past with Renathal.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING</p><p>people, there’s actual demon sex in this one. with knots and everything. if you don’t want to read that, then skip this. there’s no plot in it anyway.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What did you just say?”</p><p>Vaenath stops and turns around to Renathal, who is reading some report or other at his desk in their shared rooms, making notes in the margins. The prince doesn’t even look up as he repeats himself.</p><p>“I’d love to see you and your demon together, if you’re amenable.”</p><p>“You want to see… want me to…”</p><p>Renathal looks up and smirks. “Yes. You enjoy it, don’t you? Even though it was born out of, well… less happier times.”</p><p>“That’s true. I just thought… well, you mentioned it, but I thought you just wanted to humour me in the moment.”</p><p>“We don’t have to—”</p><p>“I want to. Now?”</p><p>Renathal puts down his quill and closes the inkwell. He sits back in his chair, crosses his legs.</p><p>“I’d be positively delighted,” he says with a toothy smile, rolling the words in his mouth.</p><p>Vaenath has to laugh. As if he could ever deny Renathal a request that makes him happy. Not that it wouldn’t make himself happy as well. It’s so different with the felhunter. Some variety, now that it’s not all he has and merely something to indulge in from time to time.</p><p>“Do you intend to join in?”</p><p>“For now I just intend to watch. Though… would you mind if I touched you, during?”</p><p>“Not at all.”</p><p>“Would the demon mind?”</p><p>“It likes you because I like you. It will protect me from threats and you are the exact opposite.”</p><p>Renathal nods. “Then we’re good. Whenever you’re ready.”</p><p>“You can help a little, though.”</p><p>“Ah?”</p><p>“Undress and prepare me? The felhunter won’t do that, and I’d rather have your hands on me than my own.”</p><p>“With pleasure. Come over here.”</p><p>Vaenath walks over to the chair and is welcomed by Renathal’s open arms. He nuzzles their noses together and receives a warm, loving kiss. His fingers find Renathal’s hair automatically— the long silken strands feel heavenly against his skin. He feels the other’s hands sneak around him, loosen the fastening of his robe. It drops off his shoulders and when Renathal opens the belt, directly on to the floor. The cool air of the room washes over his skin. He will be glad for it later, since the demon burns with fel fire.</p><p>Soon he is completely naked and Renathal grabs him by this torso and lifts him up, sitting astride his closed legs. He leans his head against his chest, puts one hand on the obvious bulge in front of him to squeeze it.</p><p>“Excited?”</p><p>“By you? Always.”</p><p>Vaenath hums pleased and massages the hard flesh gently, just as Renathal’s hands glide down his back and reach his cheeks. From somewhere in his desk he’s retrieved something because his index finger is slick as it rubs over his hole. Preparation is a strong word when Renathal’s fingers are involved, it’s more like they go directly to fucking. They are as thick as a cock and Vaenath loves to be slowly breached by them. He is drawn forward, so that his own cock presses against the still confined one and gasps at the initial pressure of the finger against his hole.</p><p>“Please,” he murmurs against Renathal’s chest, a plea and a permission at once.</p><p>It always seems like it won’t fit, until it does and the tip of the finger slides in. Vaenath pants silently as Renathal moves the finger in a slightly circular motion to loosen his muscles. He loves this part. So much. His body opening up to his lover, giving himself over. Then Renathal deems him prepared enough and thrusts in. Vaenath cries out and grinds forward. A shudder runs through Renathal as their cocks meet forcefully. He continues his efforts for a while, one finger inside Vaenath, the other hand holding his head close to his chest.</p><p>“That’s enough,” Vaenath says finally. There’s a tinge of nervousness in his voice. What if Renathal won’t like it? What if he thinks him—</p><p>“Show me, please,” Renathal says and his voice is so breathlessly excited, it blows Vaenath’ worries away.</p><p>He nods and Renathal withdraws his finger, rubs it around the hole again and over his cheeks, so that everything is warm and slick. Vaenath holds out his right hand and shadowy magic swirls around it. From a small portal behind him, the felhunter slips like it’s done countless times before. He can feel Renathal hold still, most likely watching it intently.</p><p>Once more Vaenath is endlessly glad for his mastery of mental commands with his demons. He feels the question in his mind and answers it, gives the demon permission. It walks forward and nuzzles its snout between Vaenath’ cheeks, where they are still spread sitting astride Renathal’s legs. The bone on top of its head is rough and warm. Vaenath can’t help it. He moans desperately, fingers digging into Renathal’s shirt. The demon extends its long tongue and runs it over Vaenath’ skin, leaving a burning sensation on the skin around his hole.</p><p>“Fuck, fuck…” Vaenath whispers.</p><p>“Please, be loud,” Renathal says and holds him closer.</p><p>That’s right. He can be, now. He’s always been afraid of being found like this, now he wants to expose himself. As the felhunter licks again, the next cry is indeed loud—louder than he’s ever dared to be with the demon. Void, it feels good to let it all out. The felhunter licks him again and again, before probing his hole with the tip of its tongue.</p><p>Vaenath stops it with a mental command and it moves back a few steps. He looks up to see Renathal’s eyes wide and shining, his face wearing an expression of open adoration. He pulls at him for a last kiss, then slips off his lap. He comes to stand on shaky legs, the demon immediately at his side. He pats its head and it releases a pleased huff of breath, following him like a dog to the bed. </p><p>It hops up and rolls on its back like commanded. Vaenath lets his hands glide through the coarse fur on its belly, ever lower, until he finds the bulge of flesh he’s looking for. He doesn’t know much about the sex practices of demons, but this one has a sizeable cock hidden in a sheath in its fur. It doesn’t get excited until you touch it, coax it out. He squeezes the flesh a few times, until something hard and wet protrudes, which he first teases with his fingers, then wraps a hand around. He strokes slowly until the felhunter’s cock stands fully erect, shining red and angry. It’s narrow at the top and flared at the base, thick, hard and wet. Vaenath can’t help but lean forward and suck the tip into his mouth to taste the unique spicy, stingy mix of the fluids dripping from it. The felhunter stays still through it all, letting its master manipulate it as he pleases.</p><p>Vaenath looks up to see Renathal with one hand in his lap. He’s opened his trousers and has started to stroke himself leisurely. His cock stands straining, his mouth slightly open. Oh. So he does like it. A warm shiver runs over Vaenath’ body and he turns back to the felhunter.</p><p>It turns over and stands up, the cock hanging obscenely, thick and hard underneath it. Vaenath shudders. No matter how wrong it seems, he has missed it. It’s been too long. He lets one hand glide over the demon’s cock, then reaches below to spread the wetness on himself, his own cock. The fluids are warm and burn slightly, which makes his erection twitch and jump. The pain is such a nice bonus.</p><p>Then, finally, he turns over and kneels on all fours, presents his hole to the waiting demon. The felhunter waits until it is asked, then mounts him immediately. It’s bigger than him, both forelegs coming to rest on the bed just below Vaenath’ arms, as if he was kneeling in an embrace. The long head looms above him, extending longer than his own head, fully covering his body. The hot cock rests for a moment between his cheeks as a promise of things to come, then the felhunter draws back and thrusts. It takes a few tries until it hits the target, but then it pushes into the hole and Vaenath cries out as if he’s been stabbed by a dagger.</p><p>“Oh…. fuck, fuck, fuck….” he shouts, finger digging into the bedding. “Yes, oh…”</p><p>The demon sets a brutal pace. Every time it bottoms out, the flared base pushes into him and makes Vaenath release a shaky moan. It burns, the fur on his back rubs against him painfully. It stings, outside, inside, everywhere. Soon his skin is on fire, every movement elicits a gasp of pain and the only counterpoint is that magnificent cock rubbing against that spot inside him which makes him want to melt. The sweet back and forth is enough to make him crave more. The force soon knocks him over, shoulders down on the bed, ass up to receive his demon again and again. </p><p>He turns his head to the side and his eyes widen as he meets Renathal’s heated gaze. The venthyr is stroking himself hard and fast, one hand holding onto the desk. He’s panting, his eyes unfocused. He’s so beautiful like this. Vaenath moans at the vision, then he feels it against him. </p><p>More than the flared base, a bump knocks against him. It doesn’t always happen, but today seems to be special. Yes, it’ll hurt, but he wants it. He wants the demon’s knot inside him. He urges the felhunter on and it makes a growling noise as it pushes itself forward, the newly grown bulge slipping into Vaenath to seal them together.</p><p>The pressure is too much. Vaenath yells and then he comes, hanging limp beneath the demon, held up only by the knot in his cock. His own cock pulses and paints the bedding white. He mewls and thrashes, fingers ripping at the blanket as he shakes and curses. He’s not the only one coming. The pressure also seems too much for the felhunter as it empties itself inside Vaenath, hot, burning cum filling him up. He can’t stop the tears now. They’re flowing freely as he bears it, bears the pain of it all. It feels so good. Indescribably good.</p><p>“Vae…” he hears a voice and looks up.</p><p>Renathal is somehow directly in front of him, fisting his cock, panting. Vaenath opens his mouth and Renathal cries out, grabbing his hair. He’s coming over his face, onto his waiting tongue. He guides his cock between Vaenath’ lips and thrusts a few times, emptying himself completely. It’s so good. It’s everything he needs.</p><p>“Love you…” he whispers as Renathal slips out and hears an answering groan.</p><p>Vaenath feels the demon lay down on top of him. They are still connected and will be, for a while. He enjoys the fullness of it so much, combined with the taste of Renathal in his mouth, he grows hard again. He mewls, commands the felhunter to turn on its back and rolls with it, now lying in the fur on its stomach. Renathal kneels below the pair.</p><p>“May I?” he asks and Vaenath nods.</p><p>He traces the place where the demon is locked inside him with his fingers, then pushes against it experimentally. Vaenath feels the knot inside him twitch and the felhunter comes again. The heat makes his own cock jump.</p><p>“Please…” he whimpers and Renathal understands.</p><p>He leans down and guides Vaenath’ cock into his mouth, grazing over it with his sharp teeth. Then he wraps it in his large tongue and starts sucking. Vaenath convulses as much as he can. He’s locked down, exposed. Renathal sucks him hard, probing the rim of his hole with one finger. When he sticks it in alongside the demon’s cock, Vaenath yells as he comes, spurting over Renathal’s tongue as he milks him for every last drop.</p><p>The felhunter also comes, one last time coating him from the inside before it deflates and slips out. Vaenath falls off his stomach into Renathal’s waiting arms.</p><p>“Vae, can I…?” Renathal asks, trailing off.</p><p>He’s hard again. Vaenath nods. There’s little he loves more than being fucked like this. Boneless, spent, wet. Renathal lays him on his back, opens his legs and pushes in. It’s only now that Vaenath realises he’s still in his original form and his cock is twice as big as usual. It stretches him up even more than the demon’s knot has. It’s too much. It’s perfect.</p><p>“Please, fill me up,” he begs, grabbing Renathal’s arms.</p><p>“You’re already so full, I can feel it. It burns.”</p><p>“Yess….”</p><p>Renathal makes a desperate noise and starts moving. Vaenath feels like a doll under him, like a toy. It’s glorious. He won’t get hard again, but the feeling fills him with warm satisfaction. To see Renathal like this, losing himself in the act, is a privilege and a blessing. It takes no time at all until he shouts and comes, adding himself to the mess already inside.</p><p>As he pulls out, Vaenath feels complete for just a moment. He’s leaking everywhere, all used up and thoroughly filthy. Then the demon next to him licks his face.</p><p>“Yes, you’ve done well, my friend. You can sleep next to me tonight.”</p><p>The felhunter ruffs and settles down immediately, curling up like a cat. He knows from experience it won’t stir for a few hours. He looks up at Renathal, who smiles at him.</p><p>“That was… exhilarating.”</p><p>Vaenath barks a laugh. “I can’t move.”</p><p>“You don’t have to. Would you mind if I carry you to the water?”</p><p>“Not at all.”</p><p>Renathal picks him up and holds him close to his chest. He kisses his head as he walks, then looks back at the demon for a moment.</p><p>“It won’t mind?”</p><p>“You’re trusted, I can guarantee it.”</p><p>Vaenath puts a hand on Renathal’s bare chest as they walk, feeling his heart still beat fast. He sighs as he’s lowered into the warm water and is soon clinging to his prince, whimpering as he is cleaned everywhere, those brilliant fingers making him come again, crying into Renathal’s shoulder.</p>
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